My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
