I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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