it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
