highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize