So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize