I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
