Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize