We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
