When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have post one night stand depression
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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