i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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