I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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