Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
