Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
