My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
