Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
