the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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