what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize