I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
