He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
