I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
