how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I want her autograph on my taint
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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