Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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