I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
