i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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