that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
