We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
