u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
