i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Only a mothe r could love this liver
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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