I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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