Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
