I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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