oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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