Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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