So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
