very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
