He is such a slut. More and more my type.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
