I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
