well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
