I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
