You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I still have a little drunk in my system
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
