i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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