Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
