I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
