How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
