tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
