Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My balls are so social today.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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