i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
