I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
