i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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