I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
