I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
