Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
