I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
