we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Enjoy the penises
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize