Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize