Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
