my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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