just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
