I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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