one two three fourrrrnication!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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