yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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