I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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