it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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