I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
